34 Days

Airplane ticket checked, and so is the short-term travel insurance.

All school trips checked, just came back from the last one four days ago.

First convocation ceremony checked. One more on 2 August.

Change of address checked, though those involving banks have yet been settled.

What is left for the remaining 34 days:

  1. Changing address for private matters such as banks.
  2. Final convocation and collecting transcript for myself and for my graduate studies.
  3. Meeting several people across thirty days before I leave for good – be it dinner, lunch, or random trips e.g. to museums etc.
  4. Downloading one last game of the year – Trails of Cold Steel – that I know is worth playing within my means (i.e. my money and my computer specs).
  5. One concert for a friend who is playing, which serves as my first time visit to Victoria Concert Hall as well.
  6. Graduation photo-shoot (?) with a particular bunch of people I know.
  7. Visiting several friends for their convocation ceremony.

It is amazing that I am left with (clearly) denumerably seven items in total, most of which are not even “long-term” or “time-consuming”. I excluded “work” such as reading physics since I probably don’t see myself doing it for this whole month.

Not surprising how time flies, since our mind cannot “go through” all events in the past down to minutes. If I only remember six minutes of yesterday, I would probably perceive yesterday as only six minute-long while tomorrow feels like a full 24 hour-long period. Still, I could never get used to this discrepancy.

I am amazed how easy other people are at times adjusting to leaving the country, even for long times. I suspect the main difference is “home”. No matter how long you will stay in another continent, if you know there is already a “home” waiting for you somewhere on Earth, you will not feel terrible. You will feel homesick, you may cry when you depart, but you won’t feel “sad” because you don’t quite “lose everything”. Things may change, of course, but one alternative – coming back – always exists. That “safety net” makes all the difference; for me who has no real home right now anywhere, this place where I currently am – Singapore – is practically like one, even if it is not quite one. I have neither house nor home to come back to, and that is why the people I know and interact with and those whom I think (or believe) I am close to feel like family. I still do not know which is more important between them and my own path, but having nothing to fall back to makes this trip to another continent feel like I am leaving for good.

In the end, it is no different from floating around without orientation.

That said, I hope I will not regret this remaining 34 days and even more so, I hope this is not the last 34 days. My own personality forbids me from thinking of this as nothing other than the last 34 days, but I pray that this time – unlike all my previous phases of “leaving” – I no longer lose as much.



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