June and early July

It took a while before I decided to write something to remind myself some of the things that happened in the past three weeks. Let’s see.

The last two weeks of June culminated in me moving out of school hostel, a further reminder that my undergraduate life has ended. It was also an indication that life during undergraduate studies was an extremely sheltered, comfort one.

During this period, I went for night cycling (well, 3 hours) around Hougang and Punggol with a friend. She’s a unique friend, one whose personality feel so different from many. I enjoy her presence mostly because she remembers me often. I do not know if I am considered her good friend, but I am afraid I cannot consider her my good friend — not because of her, but because of me; for some reason, I have a natural barrier against her which I do not intend to set up. It’s not a barrier of secrets, since I have no real secrets in my life (of course, excluding secrets like passwords -.-). It is just an invisible wall which makes me feel that I am incapable of becoming a true good friend for someone like her. Nonetheless, I appreciate her presence very much.

There was a CN Yang convocation — called Volare. Organized by the first years, it was rather enjoyable. Their “birdcage”/”lamp” door gift was clever. Alas, it felt short and incomplete partly because only about 70% of us turned up. I wished I could have seen them again.

I met a group whom I did song-signing three years ago with again. It was again incomplete, but really, we couldn’t ask too much. We simply played cards at Cathay. Random chatters. That’s all. Still, the main thought on that day in my mind was “it is good to see you again”. Curiously, I found her dress pretty nice even though I found out that some of her friends thought it was sort of “auntie”-dress. Haha.

Apart from these, I spent my days in school in the afternoon trying to learn the basic framework of gravitational waves and typed them out in LaTeX format. It took much longer than I thought and I could not quite finish it due to cumbersome calculation. For some reason, though, at least I felt that I grasped the calculation much better; for example, just like last time I did the full calculation for the effect of performing gauge transformation on the perturbed metric tensor $\latex h_{ab}$, but this time I can see in steps why we want to do those calculation — at least, better than I was anyway. Of course, I still need time to understand this gauge transformation in the language of Lie derivative and diffeomorphism invariance but this can wait.

In the evening of these days, I spent many days just walking around either around Jurong East or Esplanade, just for the heck of it or simply wanting to be alone and thinking. Many thoughts came to my mind, with some obviously cropping up more often than others especially regarding a certain person. There was also one thought that I would type here for now and think through it again later — it is the idea that I think “many people simply travel for memory fragments; a memory that they have seen many things greater than themselves, while not wanting the very same thing for themselves. Just the memory. They want the proof of seeing beyond what they currently have”.

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